Why are these Tom Brady announcer ads so aggressive?
Plus, my weekend recommendations.
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During last week’s NFL games, I noticed the above bumper, which played basically every half-hour or so. The tone of the ad is completely crazy, suggesting either a) that people counting out Touchdown Tom in the year 2024 extends to the belief that he will either fail as a broadcaster or be bad as a broadcaster, which is a fundamentally low bar to clear for any former football player, or b) that Tom Brady still possesses such a competitive spirit that he takes even innocuous “you ready?” questions that literally everyone encounters in every walk of life (particularly in a job that requires you to literally be ready to go on-camera when you’re live) extremely seriously and/or personally.
Either of these options is extremely insulting to the viewer, and unless you’re a rabid Tom Brady fan, it makes the guy come off like an absolute maniac slash asshole. (Although considering that he made the world’s most divorced Instagram post after his ex-wife announced her pregnancy, maybe that’s not incorrect.)
The tone of the ads (and apparently this has been the tone of the entire “Tom Brady is coming to FOX” advertising campaign, and I was blissfully unaware until now) is even more hilariously tone-deaf when you take into account the latest information about Brady’s broadcasting contract, which is that Brady, who just purchased a minority stake in the Las Vegas Raiders, is now bound by a very strict set of NFL ownership rules on what he can or cannot say or do in his capacity as a broadcaster, or in any other capacity.
Which, in effect, means that FOX has paid Tom Brady many hundreds of millions of dollars to have him spend a decade not giving his opinion on the games they’ve signed him to provide commentary and analysis for. I’m sure they’re going to determine exactly the wiggle room they’re allowed, but it sure seems like a headache they would rather not have paid the better part of half a billion dollars for. (But I guess the FOX Corporation is no stranger to employing aggressive weirdos who take up space on the air. Looking forward to Touchdown Tom’s eventual appearances on Gutfeld!)
But I want to spend a little more time talking about how completely unhinged these ads make Brady look. A producer (or someone) drifts past the group of people about to go on camera prior to a game and as a way of making small talk, says, “Almost game time. You ready?” This sends Tom into an inner spiral where he’s visited by visions of his past self (all of whom experienced unparalleled success at every stage of the game, by the way) who start barking WHO DOES THIS CLOWN THINK HE IS and DOESN’T HE KNOW WHAT YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED and WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I AM.
If you’ve been following Brady’s entire, very long career, you can understand that there was a stretch of time where the line on Brady was that he wasn’t ACTUALLY a very good quarterback and that he was simply the beneficiary of an exquisite football program in New England under Bill Belichick. That there was a handful of years where Tom was written off or overlooked or underestimated. The last time that probably happened was in 2017, which was when Brady won his third NFL MVP award, his fifth Super Bowl and his fourth Super Bowl MVP. Then he moved to the Buccaneers and an entirely different football program and coach, and won a seventh Super Bowl, just for laughs. So if you’re being charitable, the last time there was any narrative about someone counting out Touchdown Tom was seven entire years ago, which is probably three full cycles of football fans understanding the Discourse.
So if you’re removing the “no one thinks Tom Brady is good enough” possibility of these ads, you’re left with “Tom Brady is such a competitor that he won’t let innocuous comments go without doing a Split-type wrestling with a dark night of the soul,” which, I gotta say, that’s not an appealing characteristic for me in a color analyst! I don’t want Doris Burke to be visited by three Christmas spirits every time she has to talk about the Nuggets setting a screen, and I don’t want John Smoltz to have to go into his mind palace to debate his starter and reliever selves whenever a manager makes a bullpen move. (Well, actually, I don’t want John Smoltz at all, but that’s a different conversation.)
I’m simply asking both Tom Brady and the FOX marketing team to behave normally. Maybe Tom shot down all the other ideas that were funny and/or entertaining and/or clever. Maybe this was his pitch and everyone just said, “Yes, Mr. Brady. Excellent idea, sir. I love it,” which is what I assume happens any time he speaks in a room. Whatever the reason for this “past visions driving his competitiveness” campaign, I don’t have to like it. And I don’t!
Anyway, let’s move onto something lighter. What’s Aaron Rodgers up to these days?
WEEKEND RECOMMENDATIONS
TRAP: M. Night Shyamalan’s latest movie is on Max now, and it’s a real blast. (It’s also a stealth starring vehicle for M. Night’s daughter, Saleka Night Shyalaman, but you can look past that, probably.) Josh Hartnett and Allison Pill are both fantastic in the film, which is a bloodless thriller that contains both hoots and hollers. It also features Hayley Mills, who is alive! (She does not play twins, unfortunately.)
The Minotaur at Calle Lanza, by Zito Madu: If you’re looking for something to read this weekend, I recommend this slender tome by a former coworker of mine, one of the smartest people I know. It’s a memoir and a meditation on life, and a very powerful, riveting and quick read.
Shocks and Struts: Kyle Kinane’s standup special from last year is on Hulu, and the joke density is astounding. I’ve always been a massive fan of Kinane and his delivery, although I understand that some may find his voice grating. (He was the voice of Adult Swim’s bumpers for many years, if you’re unfamiliar.) If you’re looking for a comedy special this weekend, that’s my rec!
30 Rock: We’ve been rewatching 30 Rock on Peacock in our house lately, and it’s still a real delight. Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan are somehow better than you remember, and it’s all a very therapeutic experience, especially right now. Ahem. To that end, my final recommendation:
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Not thinking about the election: Vote, but try not to doomscroll or dwell on stuff. It’ll be over soon, for better or for worse. And by “it,” I really hope I don’t mean “America.” But again: try not to think about it! Please!